An Unexpected Peace

As I left the doctor’s office this morning after a myriad of tests I found the thing I feared the most over the past twenty five years has come to be and I was ok with it. My father had the worst asthma of anyone I have ever encountered. He was on many medications to try to control it but ultimately asthma took his life. I was there when he died and it has affected me greatly. Growing up I used to at his request pound on his back with my fists to try and break up the congestion. I was always frightened of hurting him with how hard he asked me to hit him but he always said it really helped. I would pound on his back until my arms wore out. We had no pets from the time I was seven due to dad’s reaction to them. We would have to wipe the shower dry after every use so no mold or mildew would develop. We had to dust or vacuum when he was out of town which was weekly with his job. My dad never let his asthma slow him down or prevent him from doing anything. He would attend my horse shows and stand outside the barn to watch as everything in the barn triggered his asthma. But he was at every single show I ever competed in. 

When the doctor diagnosed what I had suspected over the past few months was asthma I honestly had no real feeling about it either way. Growing up my father feared my younger sister and I would develop asthma. I have always been prepared for the possibility and am glad the doctor feels mine is very treatable. I had thought I would be more frightened of the asthma diagnoses but am at peace with it. Perhaps my dad helped prepare me for it all the years he had it and persevered. 

The two photos are out our bedroom window. I love watching the birds


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Alli Farkas
    Jun 09, 2016 @ 22:40:49

    The decades have brought many improvements in asthma treatment, so I’m hoping you will find something that works for you with a minimum of fuss.


  2. Kath
    Jun 10, 2016 @ 00:57:02

    Beck, very sorry to hear that you have received this news but know how strong a woman you are and how you will handle this with the grace and determination that you have used to all obstacles in life. Please be good to yourself and take care. Love you..Kathy


  3. Jane McMillen
    Jun 10, 2016 @ 05:43:18

    Nice post…I relate to having what I feared most….perhaps it was a fear that I had to face, and live through? I do wonder…It is incredible what we can and do face and live with and that your dad prepared you by his example!

    I love the photo with your birds right outside your window!! Very nice!
    Hang in there and thanks for your post!


  4. MZ
    Jun 10, 2016 @ 12:01:14

    Nicely written and quite moving. You are a strong woman because of him. Peace.


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