I am sharing this in hopes it may help someone, somewhere.

I do not usually post about my personal emotional life but after Robin Williams death yesterday I felt compelled to share a little. I have had depression and bipolar depression since I was ten years old. With medication and therapy I was usually able to keep it in check. Had many dark spots along the way but managed to find my way out. Three years ago was the worst. I was in such a bad place, didn’t know where to turn, called my doctor and made an appointment.. I was the last appointment on a Friday afternoon. We talked for more than an hour, he changed my meds and gave me phone numbers if I ever needed them. It was a very dark year and three times I was at the point of suicide. My doctor told me I needed to make life changes and I did. It was a long journey out and there are only about three people who knew how precarious my situation was but three years on and lifestyle changes I am a very different person. I am very happy and at peace. I am well aware the depression may reoccur however I finally feel as if I know when it is coming and how to head it off at the pass. I never judge anyone who has tried to commit suicide or has done it as I was at that dark door myself. Currently my life is so much better and I credit my doctor with saving my life.







8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Judith
    Aug 13, 2014 @ 05:07:48

    Courageous words after a stunning loss. There’s a whole helluva lot of us that know that feeling. Life is much better for me now, too. Hugs


  2. Jane McMillen
    Aug 13, 2014 @ 05:29:09

    Dear Becca,
    I am glad that you wrote publicly about your story. I think it is important for people to share and better understand this illness. It is not character weakness but an illness! Sadly some people make a permanent decision while they are in crisis, though I am not denying the pain of the chronic battle with the illness. Your pictures and writings are special to me and I hope that you will continue to share with all of us the ups and downs that go with this illness. Robin Williams’ suicide made me very sad. What a beautiful, kind and giving person he was and he will be greatly missed. His sensitivity was so beautiful. While he made me laugh, there was a depth of feeling that he shared with the world. I wish he would have shared his pain as well and given everyone a chance to support and love him more….and the same goes for you and others who suffer with mental issues!! Your gifts far out- weigh your “inner demons”…..and believe me we all have inner demons that we wrestle with!! I hope you will not feel alone with them ever! I am glad that your doctor “saved” you, and I am so sorry that Robin Williams didn’t let someone save him!! It was a tragic mistake. I hope he feels our love. He has already felt enough pain!


  3. Kath
    Aug 13, 2014 @ 11:27:43

    Beck…..amazing post. So very glad you found the strength to call to dr and seek the help needed. You are an amazing woman and I am so very lucky to call you cousin and friend. Thank you for sharing your feelings, thoughts and observations. The blog and pics are great. Please keep it comin’. Love ya…Kath


  4. Penni
    Aug 13, 2014 @ 13:18:43

    Thank you for being brave enough to share something so personal. Glad you are feeling strong and capable! Found out a couple of years ago, that when I was born I was named Hope, and now that word means so much to me! I don’t know what it is like not to have hope, but my heart breaks for those that don’t feel they have any, life is bleak for them. So glad you found someone who cared……!


  5. maria wulf
    Aug 15, 2014 @ 20:40:32

    Such an important part of yourself thanks for letting us in on it. I keep thinking of all the creative people who suffer from this disease and all they give to the world. Thank you for working so hard to keep your light shining. It’s appreciated.


  6. Jane McMillen
    Aug 19, 2014 @ 22:18:42

    I loved this post…I hope you got my response to it…in short I am proud of you…this took some courage to be sure!! I don’t think you are alone at all and I hope that knowing that will help you….I was so sad to hear about Robin William’s death….I loved him and what a great gift he is to the world. Your blog is a great gift to me and I value my friendship with you!! Hang in there!! with love, jane


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