Perceptions is a concept I have had on my mind for a while but what really brought it front and center for me this week was a coworker who gleefully told me he had spoken with my ex husband recently. I replied ok and he proceeded to tell me what my ex looks like now, his home and children. I remarked to a few of my friends after how i must be difficult to engage in conversation as this person thought the way to get me to talk was to bring up my ex. 
It got me to thinking. My boss at the farm said he thought nothing bothered me until I found a rat in a water bucket. I told him I can handle most anything but rats and snakes. At UPS I am a supervisor and am shocked when I learn some people are intimidated by me as I see myself as professional, kind and caring. My mother always told me growing up I tried to blend in with the wallpaper. 

There are so many sides of me with a core me. I hid my light for years behind the cloud and fog of depression but through therapy, writing, photography and taking time to heal and realize who I believe myself to be and am I feel like I am a shining star among other stars in the universe. 

I see myself as a quiet creative person who is not afraid to speak my mind, listens actively to others, makes friends slowly but when I make a friend it is usually for life. I like to be a goofball but tend to present myself as a serious person. 

Perception is an interesting concept and something I enjoy playing with in photography.

Center of Attention 

 Captain and I   
Gracie in the sun



I was the center of attention this morning which is not a place I am comfortable. Mike and I went looking for engagement rings something he was very insistent on giving me. He is very different from any man I dated before. We arrived at the jeweler before they were very busy so we had lots of personal attention. We looked at many rings and I wanted Mike to be part of the decision on the ring besides the cost. I wanted him to like it as much as I did. The women at the store asked if I cooked a big breakfast for Mike prior to shopping and they seemed shocked he cooked breakfast. We looked at a number of rings and at a couple of stores but ended up back at the first store. As Mike was paying for the ring he remarked he thought he was more excited for the ring than me. I realized with some dismay I had shut down as a defense mechanism to the attention. I loved the ring and love Mike very much. As we drove home I explained why I shut down and he understood completely. I hope I handle our wedding day better. Sometimes I wonder if I am fearful of showing excitement over my happiness after suffering with bipolar depression and poor relationships in my past. Mike always says how good I am for him but I really think I got the better end of the deal. He brings out much in me and allows me to be me without judgement.

Assateague Islands & Happiness

I went to Assateague Island with Mike in March. We only saw the two horses pictured in the first photo. It was cold and windy and I imagine the rest of the herd was farther down the island. Mike had never been to Assateague and enjoyed it. 

As you can tell from the photos lambing season was in full swing. It has wound down now but still busy with feeding all the ewes. The lambs have learned to eat some of the corn and hay. They do well with the hay. They are becoming independent and venture far from mom but still run towards her if they feel hungry or frightened. I get a kick out of them. We had thirty one live lambs and two still borns this year. I have learned more about sheep care this year. Especially caring for lambs that need a little extra support either bottle feeding, giving extra vitamins or making sure all is good. There are four bottle babies. Mike is amazed how strong they are and demanding for the milk. 

Well I certainly never thought it would happen again in my life but Mike and I are planning a wedding for May of 2017. We are looking at laid back and casual. I have felt a sense of coming home with Mike-a comfort level I have not felt before. We have melded our lives together rather effortlessly. After living alone for so long I have found the biggest adjustment for me has been making decisions with another. I’m used to making my own and full steam ahead. Now there are discussions. Mike has been very gracious about me moving into his home which he now refers to it as our home. He has hung most of the artwork I brought and has not said a word about my many books. He is involved in the planning of our wedding something my first husband wanted no part of. I find Mike to be what I have been looking for but I had to spell it out to myself first so I would not settle for anything less. It took me about seven months to hammer out and nail down what type of person I wanted to share my life with. I’m ever so grateful he loves nature and animals as much as I do. 

I hope your spring is going well and hopefully free of snow and cold. 

Sunsets & Playtime 

Sunsets, a drinking cat and playtime    

Something a little different

I thought I would try something a little different with this post and include a short video of the lambs and the ewes at the farm this weekend. I hope you enjoy!

Photographing Lambs & Caring for Sheep

As you probably know I work on a farm on the weekends-caring for horses, chickens and sheep. At first I did not have much interaction with the sheep but over the past eight years I have become more involved with feeding them and caring for the lambs each spring. I have tried many years to get photos of the lambs frolicking. In the past my photos were too far away or blurry but over the past two days I was able to capture the lambs enjoying the sunshine and warm weather. These lambs were born on two of the coldest days this year. I enjoy bonding with the ewes and then the lambs. My boss has said the sheep seem to like my quiet nature and in general don’t run from me when I enter the barn or need to separate the ewes or lambs from the rest of the herd. I do not have a dog to help me but at times I wish I did. There are twenty one ewes expecting lambs this year, two pensioned ewes and two rams. I find trying to photograph the animals helps me to care for them. I love to watch the animals young and old. I feel such an ancient connection when I spend time with the animals and it gives me such peace at the end of every day. I love the first photo of Mike and the ewe who stopped by him on her way out to grass this morning. She stood with him for about two minutes as they watched the lambs running all over and having fun. 

Lambing, Sunsets & Not Settling

Lambing season arrived early at the farm this year with two lambs born on February 10 and two more born Valentines Day. For whatever reason unknown to both of us Mike said he would go to the farm with me Valentines morning. Mike is not a morning person and usually just joins me for the afternoon feeding. Well to cut to the chase when we arrived at the farm I gave the herd a glance and did not see any lambs other than the twins in the lambing stall with their mom. Mike started getting the hay and grain ready for the ewes and I climbed the gate to join the ewes and look over everyone more. Much to my surprise the herd parted to reveal what I thought was mom with her lamb. Mike helped me get the ewe and lamb in the adjoining lambing stall when I realized the lamb was not trying to drink milk and another ewe was calling constantly. I called my boss to let her know a lamb had arrived but I think I put the wrong ewe with the lamb. She advised me to remove the one ewe and put the calling one in with lamb which we did. And much to my relief the lamb started drinking his milk. My boss explained to me sometimes ewes getting ready to lamb try to steal other ewes newborns thinking it may be theirs. Sure enough the wrong ewe ended up having a lamb of her own hours later. All the lambs and moms are happy and healthy. I have to give Mike enormous credit for joining me at the farm when the high temperature for the day was 12 degrees. He was a little unsure of how to help but between the two of us we got it done. 

Tonight at the farm is where all the pictures from today were taken. Mike again was very game as we had turned out the moms and lambs to graze today and had to put them back in their stalls for the night which was a little tricky. I had to get a ewe and her twins in one stall, another ewe and her lamb in the end stall and had Mike sit on a straw bale and hold onto the alpha ewe’s lamb in hopes the ewe would hang out with Mike so I could get the others settled. Mike and the lamb seemed to enjoy each other’s quiet company. The lamb and his mom were happy to be get in their stall for feeding. I always feel a little added stress with the onset of lambing season but with Mike’s help I feel better about it. 

The sunset tonight was beautiful as was the almost full moon rising. I took the sunset photo over the pond and then later got a photo of blue the Clydesdale with the sunset behind him. I enclosed a photo of Mike with the two elderly ewes. I thought it looked as if they were speaking to each other. 

I am very slowly getting unpacked and have hung most of my artwork. I am excited the be home again as I have been gone for twelve of the past twenty days. Home is a wonderful place to be. I enjoy being in my own bed and really like being among my books, Mike and his dog Meadow. Mike and I have been looking forward to our future as well as loving the present. The one piece of advice I would give someone if asked is don’t settle for just anyone in your life but expect and demand the best. Had I settled for just anyone prior to Mike to prevent being alone and conforming  to what society said was acceptable at the time I would have missed out on meeting Mike and finding someone who saw in me what others took for granted or missed. 

I am looking forward to spring and warmer weather. Check out Orion, the Pleiades and the moon. They are amazing right now. Best wishes and Namaste.

Midwinter Blues

I have been struggling with my emotions the past few days. I have cried uncontrollably at times, put on a smile in public and soldiered on. I have been stressed about changes and getting things done. I have always been a listener and people often share with me things they do no share with others however I struggle to find those who will listen to me when I need it. I find it difficult to trust and still struggle at times with Mike and knowing that I can trust him completely. It is a new experience for me. I had not really realized I lack trust in others until I met Mike. Tonight I had an upsetting exchange with someone that shook me to my core. I found myself writing about my exchange and also drawing a little. I understand why Norman Rockwell painted life as he wished it could be. Both his work and Van Gogh’s speak to me on levels that I embrace and feel in my soul. I share these photos as a reflection on history and nature which are near and dear to me.

Sunsets and a Pheasant 

Two of the last three days produced beautiful sunsets. The first two were from Sunday at the farm. The second two I took at work tonight. I love sunsets and find winter sunsets more beautiful than summer ones. Mike knows that I love to photograph sunsets and clouds and never complains when I stop short with the car to take photos. I about gave him whiplash Sunday when I decided at the last moment to jump out of the car to include the sheep in the sunset photos. 

I am slowly unpacking and downsizing. I am astounded at how much I had. I think living alone I indulged in myself and never said no to artwork or books. I am learning that I need less to be happy and really do not want to clutter up the home. I still love my books and art but am being more particular. 

I have been enjoying bird watching and sky watching with Mike. We had lots of songbirds at our feeders during the blizzard that hit Maryland in January. I saw my first eastern towhee. I am at a pet sitting job so Mike has visited me for a few hours on the weekend and yesterday. I decided to take him not far from my job to a nature preserve and outside of the preserve I spotted a ring necked pheasant. He thought I was turning the car around for an eagle as I seem to see eagles everyday. Mike’s face lit up in pure delight to see the pheasant. Neither of us had ever seen one in the wild. He took about fifty pictures of the pheasant. 

I will be glad when winter is over though it has been a fairly easy one here. I long for more sunlight. That is one nice thing about Mike’s home-the natural light that pours in through the windows. His dog and I can often be found following the sun from room to room. 

Hopefully in the next few weeks I will be able to share photos of the lambs that are due to be born soon. 

Hope you are coping with your winter. 

Waiting on spring 


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