23 Sep 2016 Leave a comment
I felt a weight lift off of me tonight when I arrived to work. I’m not sure what it was but something in my universe definitely shifted. I’m excited again happy and smiling. I start a pet sitting job tomorrow until Sunday afternoon. I have free time next week for the first time in a long time. I have big plans to work around the house and finally finish unpacking. Mike wants to garden and clean out a shed. We are heading out Thursday to look at cars for Michael Twaits but he is still not cleared to drive yet so it is really only looking now. I had not known how the car accident would affect our relationship but it has really brought us closer. We were close before but now on another level I had not known existed. I am looking forward to writing this weekend and meeting my mom to go to the art museum where my photo is hanging for a couple of more weeks. Life is good even with its curve balls.
18 Sep 2016 5 Comments
It’s in the eye of the beholder an old saying, cliche and a truth. This morning I walked into the local bookstore. An older man very graciously held the door open for me and said go ahead young man. I felt my heart sink as I went back to my middle school days. Puberty hit me hard-I quickly grew taller than my classmates, my voice deepened and for a long time people who did not know me thought I was a male. I remember a substitute teacher calling on me to read a passage in a book. He said would the young man in the back read the next paragraph. And what followed was laughter by my classmates and two boys who quickly said she’s a girl. I wanted to hide under my desk and the teacher was embarrassed. I dealt with people mistaking me for a male until college.
I have never been stereotypical feminine or what society says a woman should be. I have broad shoulders-I always had to special order horse show jackets because of this. I have a deeper voice than most women. I have been told I walk like a man and need to carry a purse rather than just the small wallet I have in a back pocket. I hated dolls and barbies as a child-books were my friends. I have been told I am a spitting image of my dad. I take pride in that. Dad always encouraged me to read and write. It is where I escaped and learned. For years I did not post photos of myself on Facebook. I am not a size 6-12. I am a plus size person and through much trials of life and learning to be happy by myself I found myself. I decided I was not going to settle for anyone or anything.
I found myself sad for a moment this morning when the man mistook me for a man but quickly recovered. I often feel for the other person who then feels embarrassed that they thought I was a man. I believe that given the struggle with how people perceive me has made me more sensitive to others, more accepting of differences and made me a much more creative person than I may have been. Just as things are in the eyes of the beholder I enjoy bringing my perspective to others with writing and photography.
05 Sep 2016 2 Comments
One thing strong storms bring is colorful sunsets both before the storm arrives and after they leave. The tropical storm named Hermine ended up bringing only strong winds for a day with little rain where we live.
The gardens are winding down but some flowers are really exploding. I love the blooms of flowers even after they are past bloom. I find the beauty in their passing good for my soul.
Meadow has been having some health issues but she is just about cured of them now. She really is a delight and a joy dog. She makes me laugh every day.
Mike is still recovering from the accident. He has an additional three weeks of therapy on top of the four weeks he has completed. He is still not cleared by the doctor to drive yet but hopefully next month. I have been getting lots of podcasts listened to during Mike’s physical therapy and doctors appointments. I can now find my way to the hospital with my eyes closed unlike the night Mike had the accident and I googled how to get there. It has been a learning experience for both of us and thankfully brought us closer together rather than tear us apart. I wonder if helping to care for my dad during his hip replacement recovery many years ago taught me how to care for Mike when he really could not move his neck and back comfortably. I have found I learned a lot from dad that I had not realized until now. I know my dad would love Mike. I wish my dad could see how successful I am at my job at ups-having the respect of the drivers, loaders and management, how successful I am at pet sitting. My greatest sadness as Mike and I prepare for our wedding is that my dad will not be there nor will he know Mike. I look at my older sisters with envy that dad able to walk them down the aisle and watch with joy their weddings and birth of their children.
However weddings are meant to be happy. Our wedding will be paid for well in advance of the date. It will be an inexpensive wedding and a unique one. I want it to reflect Mike and my relationship and our love without regard for tradition. We do not have a wedding planner other than myself. We are keeping it as stress free as possible. Much as we try to live our life. We both had baggage and demons to be rid of and with hard work both apart and together we found peace and happiness.
20 Aug 2016 4 Comments
16 Aug 2016 2 Comments
The big picture is something I need to work on both in my personal life and professional life. Lately I have had to focus on the immediate picture due to outside influences and it was while grocery shopping with Mike on Friday that I realized I lost sight of the big picture. We had just come from his physical therapy appointment and he was feeling not the best but he wanted to grocery shop. We headed to the store and usually I push the cart while he grabs the items and keeps track of our running total. He needed the cart to steady himself a little and I found myself lost with having the control of the cart. Without realizing it at first I had grabbed the front of the cart and was still steering it while he pushed it. After two aisles of this I suddenly realized with horror what I was doing. Mike never said a word but I was mortified to find I was such a little control freak. I think a lot of it stems from being alone and fiercely independent for over twenty years. I apologized to Mike and told him I needed to work on that and the fact we are in this together on everything. It has been quite an adjustment for me to be in such a loving and giving relationship with Mike. I need to step back and see the whole picture and not just my picture. These photos of the moon last night with the dot of a jet in the sky as well as sunset tonight reminded me that I in fact control little but how I react to things. Mindfulness is a practice I forget in times of stress. I some homework to do.
30 Jul 2016 12 Comments
I really hate when people say “things happen for a reason” especially when they say it to me. Mike’s car accident has forced me to slow down and not plow through my day. After rushing to the hospital yesterday, which was an adventure in itself due to the weather, I found myself forced to stop as they ran batteries of tests on Mike. I am still learning Delaware and where everything is. The hospital parking lots and garage were flooded due to torrential rain storms had dropped. I couldn’t find parking so I threw my keys at the valet and took off inside the very large hospital. I found Mike and the waiting started. I enjoyed sharing some smiles and waves with a small boy who walked by the room twice. The boy came over to me when I stepped out of the room when they were cleaning Mike’s wounds. I have a weak stomach when it comes to people injuries I can handle the worst issues with animals oddly enough. The boy came over to me and made direct eye contact and smiled the sweetest most pure smile. He made my night. While at the hospital everyone was kind and professional.
In my relationship with Mike he always goes the extra mile to provide for me and be the cook, house husband and mechanic so it was a switch for him to have me care for him. When we got home I got the bed ready for him to lay comfortable with a neck brace on, I got his shower ready, got us dinner snd was the caregiver. I like being able to provide for Mike. He is adjusting to being cared for and slowing down. After he talked for quite a while to insurance this morning we took time to sit on the porch and watch the butterflies, birds and enjoy the cooler weather. I loved watching the sun go down tonight and enjoyed our froggy visitor shown in the second photo.
I am thankful Mike is not hurt worse and that we can provide for each other. As always I look to nature and the light to keep me grounded.
23 Jul 2016 2 Comments
I love photographing light and shadows thrown by the light. As it has been for most of the United States it is hot and humid. The two sunset photos were taken just after storms blew through. The sun coming through the trees was taken in the early morning as I headed to work.
We have been having lots of visitors recently between family, friends and wildlife. We had great fun having cookouts and hanging out. We had such a busy social schedule,which is very unusual for both of us, that Mike asked if we could have a few quiet weekends. I need them too as I still have odds and ends to unpack or donate. I failed to take photos of the friends and family visiting but I did take photos of the tree frogs who crawl up our kitchen window to eat the bugs drawn by th light. I loved the butterfly who hung out with me on the porch. Even in high heat and humidity I love sitting on the porch. Especially at night listening to the crickets and cicadas. I love front porches!
I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who reads my blog. I was touched and awed by the sweet comments I have received in the past few weeks. I really appreciate it very much and am happy to be back to posting.
Have a beautiful weekend. Namaste.